margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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