I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
