My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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