so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
