She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
