But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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