but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
