Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
