yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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