Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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