conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
