I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
