garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
