I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
