my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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