I puked a lego.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
