pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
