We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
