I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
