you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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