If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
