She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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