He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
