I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
