so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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