you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
