i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
