OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
