Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
