1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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