I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
