Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
