It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Randomize
