Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
