did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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