Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize