dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
