Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
