Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
