this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
