if i can run in heels then i can drive
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
