Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
