oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize