I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
