i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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