I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I understand Curling. That high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
