3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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