She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
