i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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