Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
