Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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