I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
