Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
