Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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