Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
