Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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