I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
