i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
