I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
