After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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