Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
