Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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