I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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