office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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