Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
