Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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