im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
