We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did I show you my penis last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
