bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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