i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize