Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
