Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
