I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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