I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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