Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
