one two three fourrrrnication!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
