If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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