just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
