Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
