I think I am morally bankrupt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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