So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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