just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
