Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
