so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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