Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
