Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
