I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
only if we run a train.
done.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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