I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
