Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
