She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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