Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
